Markers

These shoes represent the 20 people (plus or minus a couple) who play Ultimate Frisbee in the freezing cold, wet, sometimes snowy month of December, just as the New Year is about to break. What you don't see is the "other" pile of shoes that missed the actual porch. They are much older, have had many more years experience and are basically thrashed beyond recognition.

There are other things that mark this group of people. Nickle Arcades, racquetball, hiking Provo Canyon, paint ball, board games and pot banging on the stroke of midnight. Yet, its this ritualistic piling of the shoes, that stops my heart every time. My brother. My nephews. My niece.

My porch never looks more content, more fulfilled, more glorious.

Some thoughts about waking up....

We were putting our granddaughter Scarlet to bed. She was all tucked in and comfy when she turned to my husband and with all the wise earnestness of her two years and eight months inquired, "Papa, how will I wake up?"

Come again ?! We inherently trust that every night as we close our eyes, there will indelibly follow a morning when we open them again. Waking up is not something that you do...it is something that happens. Does anybody besides Scarlet wonder HOW ?

It got me thinking....

Do you remember Christmas mornings as a child, when you couldn't stop waking up until your parents finally say its was OK to meet Christmas? Or when you woke up in school with your face smashed on the desk and drool all over your arm?

Today....there are many mornings when I don't want to wake up; other days when I wouldn't mind waking up...I just can't.

And what about dreams?! Remember the ones where you think you're awake only to actually become awake at the worst possible moment and discover that all of the wonderful (or awful) events you were just thrilling to (or horrified by) were really just your subconscious acting out. And how the realization brings waves of disappointment (or relief)?

Or what about when you know you are dreaming and want desperately to wake up but don't?

Have you ever been suddenly jarred awake with the sound of your own snoring and your head jerking back to upright and all the people on the plane are politely NOT staring at you.

And "wake up calls". ..not just the kind hotels offer, but the kind life gives you. Like when you're driving and you thought you were awake and then narrowly miss an oncoming car and that really wakes you up?Or the relationships that you are kind of sleeping through and suddenly you are jarred awake into realizing that people really do leave? Or when being awake makes you responsible for things you'd rather not see and so you just kind of doze, thinking you're getting away with it.

What about when your eyelids are so, so heavy that you close them for just a second only to discover that you missed the entire church service, missed the movie, missed the joke, missed the boat, missed your decade or missed your chance.

And finally, what about that one inevitable moment when we don't wake up....except we do , and find ourselves in that whole other dimension. Then we ask ourselves, which one was the dream...where we came from or where we are? Are we truly awake now? Had we really been asleep our entire life?

Waking up.... what is that really all about?

The Unveiling

So here it is! The new coat. Not the fancy "yacht" models we perused on the internet ($150.00, thank you very much). I went with more of a "dinghy", the kind you find as Petsmart ($34.95, ding ding). I actually took her into Petsmart so we could try them on. That was a first for both of us.


Abby is quite pleased with herself and her new "look". We had a fabulous walk this morning, turned a record number of heads as people drove past and thoroughly enjoyed our toasty, warm little selves.

So tomorrow morning, just as the moon sets and the sun rises.....that blue boat, with the fluorescent reflector tape you see out on the horizon..... that will be my dog. Just thought you'd like to know.

140 days and counting...(my dog is not a boat)

So Abby and I go walking every morning. Haven't missed a day since she got here. That makes 140 days if you count today. (There were five days in there, where I was in Austin. Amy was babysitting and refused to walk her. Abby jumped up and down on the bed. They walked.)

Lately we watch the moon go to bed and the sun rise. No talking, just walking. Traveling buddies. But its turning cold. The other day, 6:15 am, we stood at the door, all leashed up and ready until the cold air hit our faces. We both hesitated. I pulled the "pack leader" card and pushed us both out the door, but I can see up ahead as the winter comes on that the weather is going to be our enemy. The only real answer is to get Abby a winter coat. I've been cruising the internet to see what's available. I've included pictures of current dog coat styles for your browsing pleasure. Please keep in mind that Abby is not a purse dog...those coats are ridiculous. But I included them so you could appreciate what fashions Abby will NOT be sporting this winter. Katie commented on how the Great Dane coats look like boat covers! Well, she will not be mistaken for a boat once I get her winter boots on her :)

The back 50

The back 50

So I'm turning 50 years old soon. By my reckoning, that puts me at about half way. I expect to get to 100 (give or take a month or two) and so while time isn't actually "running out", I am approaching my "hump day".

The first 50 years were pretty set out for me.

1. Grow up: check (depending on the day)
2. Getting married: check and check again
3. Have children: check then double check
4. Raise the children: check and almost check

That pretty well sums up the front 50. The back 50 isn't quite so mapped out. I'm afraid if I don't consciously create something, then nothing will happen. I don't want to live by default.

So this isn't a comprehensive list, but its a good start, I think.

I want to belong to a global neighborhood. I want to find myself on the back streets of foreign countries. Walking with a purpose and a project. I want to know the people that I pass by and be able to greet them in their own language. I want to inquire about their families and know the name of their dog.

I love words and the sounds they make and the meanings they represent. I love the people that use them and the way they wrap them around their own personality and expression. I want to speak Russian fluently and then maybe French or Spanish or Italian or something.

I want to sing really loud. Really really loud. Heidi got pulled over one day because she and her friends were singing Michael Jackson really loud and the car windows were rolled down. I'd maybe like to try that.

I want to dance, in the middle of the night, with long lines of people snaking and circling around a bon fire or an impromptu band like that night in France.

I'm sure there is more, but I think that's a pretty good start. Walking, talking, singing, dancing. That's not so far fetched, right? Here I go...wish me luck :)

That time

Its that time. The milkweed is out. I see it everyday on my walks. Its all along the roads. Each time I pause and look... just in case I see one. Do you remember? So many monarchs born during those years in the yellow house. That was fun.

A Haiku: Time Zone

I went to bed early.
Couldn't sleep.
Got up.
Did computer stuff.
Should go back to bed.
Don't want to.
I used to call Cami in the middle of the night.
She lived in Hawaii.
She would be on her way to soccer practice.
Cami went on a mission.
Guess I'll go back to bed.