A Language Whose Time Has Come

I have spent the last 33 years (exactly) carrying the shame of the chemically illiterate. Chem 105, my freshman year at BYU, was the defining experience that has framed my life in many subtle and not so subtle ways over the years. I really struggled in that class. I studied, cried, prayed, begged for help, begged for mercy, begged for anything that would push back the dark foggy clouds that engulfed me every time I entered that classroom. As it turned out, I got a C+. I vividly remember destroying the book after the final. I didn't learn anything in that class except how inept I was. The next semester I changed my major.

Just last month, my soul was hit with the obvious and I decided to apply to PA school (Physician's assistant program at University of Utah. A blog for another day). I needed one more chemistry class to meet the prerequisites. Hiding had done no good, my deep inadequacy was going public. Again.

My window of opportunity was brief. I joined the class at UVU three weeks after it had begun, took a test on those three weeks of material just three days later and before I could blink, was engulfed in one of my worst reoccurring nightmares. I got through that first class on sheer bravery and determination, but as one class has turned into another, I'm beginning to feel a twinge of hope and even a love (?) for this new found language. I have a few things going for me this time that I didn't have before.

AGE. I'm older this time and while aging isn't good for a lot of things, the maturity difference between 17 years old and 50 is monumental...in my favor.

DUSTIN. Who would have ever guessed that the boy who slept through high school would step up in college and become masterful at chemistry! And just in time to rescue his mother. He is a very talented and willing tutor. If it doesn't make sense, he keeps finding different ways to draw it until it does. When I overload and shut down, he just keeps knocking on the door of my brain until I find my way back. Sometimes, that is alot of knocking.

URGENCY. I don't have any many more chances at this. If I want to be a PA, the moment is now. Not tomorrow. I don't have time to coddle fears or run from big bad mathematical equations with electrons attached to them. I let this chance go by and it will be gone. For good. I don't want that to happen.

Chemistry is a language. Its the one God used to create the earth. Its how he orchestrated our marvelous bodies. I don't really know if I want to create entire planets....that a little bit overwhelming (and optimistic). But still! Someday far. Very far. Very, very far. In the future. I might change my mind about the planet thing and I might be glad I can order from the periodic table.

Wish me luck. I'm still packing straight up hill. My brain hasn't really changed any since all those days ago. But this time, I'm going to get there. I am.