A Language Whose Time Has Come

I have spent the last 33 years (exactly) carrying the shame of the chemically illiterate. Chem 105, my freshman year at BYU, was the defining experience that has framed my life in many subtle and not so subtle ways over the years. I really struggled in that class. I studied, cried, prayed, begged for help, begged for mercy, begged for anything that would push back the dark foggy clouds that engulfed me every time I entered that classroom. As it turned out, I got a C+. I vividly remember destroying the book after the final. I didn't learn anything in that class except how inept I was. The next semester I changed my major.

Just last month, my soul was hit with the obvious and I decided to apply to PA school (Physician's assistant program at University of Utah. A blog for another day). I needed one more chemistry class to meet the prerequisites. Hiding had done no good, my deep inadequacy was going public. Again.

My window of opportunity was brief. I joined the class at UVU three weeks after it had begun, took a test on those three weeks of material just three days later and before I could blink, was engulfed in one of my worst reoccurring nightmares. I got through that first class on sheer bravery and determination, but as one class has turned into another, I'm beginning to feel a twinge of hope and even a love (?) for this new found language. I have a few things going for me this time that I didn't have before.

AGE. I'm older this time and while aging isn't good for a lot of things, the maturity difference between 17 years old and 50 is monumental...in my favor.

DUSTIN. Who would have ever guessed that the boy who slept through high school would step up in college and become masterful at chemistry! And just in time to rescue his mother. He is a very talented and willing tutor. If it doesn't make sense, he keeps finding different ways to draw it until it does. When I overload and shut down, he just keeps knocking on the door of my brain until I find my way back. Sometimes, that is alot of knocking.

URGENCY. I don't have any many more chances at this. If I want to be a PA, the moment is now. Not tomorrow. I don't have time to coddle fears or run from big bad mathematical equations with electrons attached to them. I let this chance go by and it will be gone. For good. I don't want that to happen.

Chemistry is a language. Its the one God used to create the earth. Its how he orchestrated our marvelous bodies. I don't really know if I want to create entire planets....that a little bit overwhelming (and optimistic). But still! Someday far. Very far. Very, very far. In the future. I might change my mind about the planet thing and I might be glad I can order from the periodic table.

Wish me luck. I'm still packing straight up hill. My brain hasn't really changed any since all those days ago. But this time, I'm going to get there. I am.

Something About AC and DC Currents

May it rest in peace :(

Month and a Half Later

Guess who is still on the roof!

Twenty bucks worth.

So I've been wanting to get a treadmill for Abby. I have been patiently fixated on KSL waiting for the deal of the century. And then it happened. Practically new, for only twenty bucks! The only catch was that the computer didn't work. Hey....who cares about the computer as long as the belt goes around, right? I talked to the owner and asked several different times in several different ways, to be sure that the belt actually turned. He assured me that it did.

So Al and Dustin ponied up and went down to Spanish Fork to get it for me. Seems that the 100 lb machine was actually considerably more than that and twice as awkward, BUT it truly is beautiful, practically new and perfect in every way and... I'm sure the belt can go around. Except, it really can't because the computer won't come on to tell it to. It doesn't run. At all. At. All.

So I guess it falls under the "too good to be true" catagory. But Al knows a BYU student graduating in electrical engineering. He is looking at the schematic. He says he thinks he can rewire and bypass the computer. So I am keeping the faith. Until then... Abby and I practice getting on and off. She's got that part down really well. She stands there wondering whats suppose to happen next. Now...if it would only move.

Important numbers for 2010

150
12
100,000

I wouldn't bet any Lotto tickets on them, but these numbers are my New Years resolutions.
I've had alot of resolutions go soft as the year actually began to show teeth,
But this year I'm feeling particularly motivated and especially clear.
No distractions.
No weak sauce excuses.
No more wasted time.
Done, done and done.

Help.

Is this a posture of yearning? Or of gratitude.

But wait.

What about this posture?

Gratitude? Yearning?

Are gratitude and yearning the same thing? I didn't think so. But how do they express themselves in the same posture? And how can two postures be so entirely different and yet be expressions of the same emotions?

What?

Abby and I met this chihuahua while we were out today. Abby was very confused about what to do when dogs bark at you from their rooftops. So, she sat quietly next to me in bewilderment as I took this picture. Gotta say, it was kind of odd!