Traditions

So I've had enough of the yearly comments made by my children under their breath (and over their breath) about how we don't have any Christmas traditions in our family.

Now I could argue that. (There has always been a Christmas tree, Scott.)

But then again, growing up, they had to be flexible with their holidays as they shuttled back and forth between parents and adapted to a blended family. Maybe their point is valid.

This is the year it's gonna change. There will be TRADITIONS.

New socks on Christmas Eve. From now until the day I die, each one will open a present on Christmas Eve that will contain a new pair of socks. Everyone will have happy feet.

A pickle in the Christmas tree. That's right. A pickle. It is a Norwegian tradition (from what I've heard). I'm adopting it. The pickle is hidden in the tree and there is a treat for every girl and boy who can find it :-)

And lastly, there will be music. Jingle Bells and other tunes played on wrapping paper tubes. Those lovely cardboard instruments resonate a fabulous tone when whacked on one's own (or someone else's) head.

Everyone should have a few traditions tucked in their heart pocket as they go through life. I hope I'm not too late. Merry Christmas to all.

Slugs, Snails, Puppy dog tails

Does every boy need a dog?

Or is it that every dog needs a boy?

Driving the Dream

So I didn't get an interview with University of Utah. It knocked the wind out of me for a moment. Then I realized. That first rejection letter is like getting the first dent in your car. It's a big deal. All of the subsequent dings, however, are barely mentionable.

So it will be with getting into PA school.

The first dent. Done.

Now I can refocus on driving. I'm sure there will be a few more dings along the way, but they will be more inconvenient, than upsetting. As long as the car still drives, I'm still in the game. For as long as it takes.

Today

I've been to Scotland and back. There is much to say. But its a bit overwhelming at the moment to put thoughts, pictures and stories into any kind of coherent offering.

So... I would just like to say. That today. I stained E. coli in microbiology lab and looked at it under the microscope.

I'll call you!

Historically, I have been dragged into the cosmos of technology one microchip at a time and only then by very persistent and determined children. Not so with this iPhone. The minute I saw it, I was knocking and begging at the door of opportunity. I wanted one SO BAD that I had to have the "grown-up" talk with my heart (you know, the one about your money being committed elsewhere yadah, yadah, yadah....) When my family presented me with a box, just the right size and weight, my heart skipped out of its pocket and became erratic (another "grown-up" talk about being grateful so as not to be disappointed). But, there it was, sitting in my hand!!! Stunned and dazed. Then giggles, then tears and then a weird gripping and wringing of my hands (a gesture I have adopted when I am emotionally "over the top", I guess.)

I listened so hard to all the instructions so I would do everything right. I got my itunes loaded, all my phone numbers in, took a few pictures, surfed the internet, downloaded a really cool medical app and a princess app for Scarlet, checked my email and sent a couple of celebratory texts. It wasn't until this morning, when I realized I didn't know how to make a phone call! (True story)

THANK YOU FAMILY! I wanted it so much. So much. Thank you.

Haiku Two

Sleeping ok now

Still reach for the phone on the late night drives home.

Old habits always flicker with hope.

Still not in Hawaii

Soon, no longer in Iowa.

Hearts breaking. Hearts mending

Transitions. A messy concept.

I've been brave. Can I cry now?

She's being brave. She's definitely crying.

Touch down.

Touch back.

Still point, then

Back to the endless ocean

Heaven

Avocados.

Chocolate brownies.

God's gift to man.

Chirp didn't make it through the night. Sorry Chirp. I don't know what else I could have done. I'm glad we met. I loved your song.

Meet Chirp

Chirp fell from his rooftop nest on Friday. Kind of a scrawny little guy/girl (how do you tell?). I soaked some of Abby's food and mixed it with Gerber's Rice cereal. When he opens his throat and starts flinging his head around, I shove it in. He sleeps through the night and eats every hour or two all day long. Chirp is gonna have to go to work with me tomorrow. Abby offered to tend, but I said no. Abby is attentive enough, its just that when her big snout touches his beak, her breathe knocks Chirp over... and Abby's big, wild, misplaced paws are a bit dangerous. I've rescued hundreds of baby birds in my lifetime, never had one actually survive. I'm not quite sure what happens next....

Luck be a Lady

Sorry to be so obsessed with this PA thing, but its pretty much been the "giant monster shadow" in my life for the last 6 months. I really, really, really want this. Really. I finished the CASPA application (with a 4998 character narrative, thank you very much) and turned that in. Finished my chemistry lab class (this afternoon), and just completed the timed, on-line supplemental "tell us why we should choose you" application for U of U. Does close count? No.

I still have to finish the supplemental application for Anne Arundel in Maryland (multiple forms and verifications; no online, think-at-your-keyboard essays, thankfully) and take a microbiology lab in the fall. If (when) I get an interview with U of U, I have to take a physiology/anatomy test during the process, so I need to be studying for that. Gotta rock it.

Invitations for interviews won't come till the first of Fall. I've applied to University of Utah, University of California-Davis, Loma Linda University and Anne Arundel Community College. Only four. Not good odds, but the only odds I have. I only need one. Would someone blow on the dice please?

Oh pLEAse!

It's 1:30 am. The CASPA application is all but done. The narrative that I worked so hard to carefully craft to 6,000 characters, I now discover is suppose to be 5,000.

Playtime

Abby and I were out in a grassy field early this morning. On the other side of the fence was this horse. Abby and the horse were quite intrigued by each other and spent a few minutes touching noses and breathing on each other through the chain link. Then, Abby went into a play bow, the horse snorted and they were off... racing each other up and down the fence. I have never seen anything like it. It went on for the longest time until they both were sucking air. Then, after a few final moments of "nose to nose", the horse trotted off and Abby resumed sniffing and peeing. I wish I had gotten a better picture!

Hallelujah

I got an A !

There is dancing in the streets...

Here goes...

I am now the proud and somewhat anxious owner of a CASPA ID number. The PA application process has begun.

What I Really Need.

Chemistry class is in its final week. Its been good, bad, and a little ugly, but truthfully, I've converted. I'm still in way over my head, but something about it is fascinating.

There is one week left and I have to take two tests. One problem. I really don't know where I am going to fit any more information. Truly. Never mind that my thought processes are exhausted and tend to drip sweat from the exertion. Never mind that my cortex goes on equation "searches" and doesn't come back for hours. Never mind that the calculator gives me a different answer every time I enter the same exact numbers. The game buster is that I am simply out of room.

Out. of. room.

So last night, I asked God for a bigger brain. I'm waiting to hear back.

A Language Whose Time Has Come

I have spent the last 33 years (exactly) carrying the shame of the chemically illiterate. Chem 105, my freshman year at BYU, was the defining experience that has framed my life in many subtle and not so subtle ways over the years. I really struggled in that class. I studied, cried, prayed, begged for help, begged for mercy, begged for anything that would push back the dark foggy clouds that engulfed me every time I entered that classroom. As it turned out, I got a C+. I vividly remember destroying the book after the final. I didn't learn anything in that class except how inept I was. The next semester I changed my major.

Just last month, my soul was hit with the obvious and I decided to apply to PA school (Physician's assistant program at University of Utah. A blog for another day). I needed one more chemistry class to meet the prerequisites. Hiding had done no good, my deep inadequacy was going public. Again.

My window of opportunity was brief. I joined the class at UVU three weeks after it had begun, took a test on those three weeks of material just three days later and before I could blink, was engulfed in one of my worst reoccurring nightmares. I got through that first class on sheer bravery and determination, but as one class has turned into another, I'm beginning to feel a twinge of hope and even a love (?) for this new found language. I have a few things going for me this time that I didn't have before.

AGE. I'm older this time and while aging isn't good for a lot of things, the maturity difference between 17 years old and 50 is monumental...in my favor.

DUSTIN. Who would have ever guessed that the boy who slept through high school would step up in college and become masterful at chemistry! And just in time to rescue his mother. He is a very talented and willing tutor. If it doesn't make sense, he keeps finding different ways to draw it until it does. When I overload and shut down, he just keeps knocking on the door of my brain until I find my way back. Sometimes, that is alot of knocking.

URGENCY. I don't have any many more chances at this. If I want to be a PA, the moment is now. Not tomorrow. I don't have time to coddle fears or run from big bad mathematical equations with electrons attached to them. I let this chance go by and it will be gone. For good. I don't want that to happen.

Chemistry is a language. Its the one God used to create the earth. Its how he orchestrated our marvelous bodies. I don't really know if I want to create entire planets....that a little bit overwhelming (and optimistic). But still! Someday far. Very far. Very, very far. In the future. I might change my mind about the planet thing and I might be glad I can order from the periodic table.

Wish me luck. I'm still packing straight up hill. My brain hasn't really changed any since all those days ago. But this time, I'm going to get there. I am.

Something About AC and DC Currents

May it rest in peace :(

Month and a Half Later

Guess who is still on the roof!

Twenty bucks worth.

So I've been wanting to get a treadmill for Abby. I have been patiently fixated on KSL waiting for the deal of the century. And then it happened. Practically new, for only twenty bucks! The only catch was that the computer didn't work. Hey....who cares about the computer as long as the belt goes around, right? I talked to the owner and asked several different times in several different ways, to be sure that the belt actually turned. He assured me that it did.

So Al and Dustin ponied up and went down to Spanish Fork to get it for me. Seems that the 100 lb machine was actually considerably more than that and twice as awkward, BUT it truly is beautiful, practically new and perfect in every way and... I'm sure the belt can go around. Except, it really can't because the computer won't come on to tell it to. It doesn't run. At all. At. All.

So I guess it falls under the "too good to be true" catagory. But Al knows a BYU student graduating in electrical engineering. He is looking at the schematic. He says he thinks he can rewire and bypass the computer. So I am keeping the faith. Until then... Abby and I practice getting on and off. She's got that part down really well. She stands there wondering whats suppose to happen next. Now...if it would only move.

Important numbers for 2010

150
12
100,000

I wouldn't bet any Lotto tickets on them, but these numbers are my New Years resolutions.
I've had alot of resolutions go soft as the year actually began to show teeth,
But this year I'm feeling particularly motivated and especially clear.
No distractions.
No weak sauce excuses.
No more wasted time.
Done, done and done.